I've read through many hundreds of submissions to the memories section of this site. Some of them have been amusing. Some of them have been disturbing. Most of them have had horrible spelling and grammar. This one, however, is by far the best written, most inspiring, most down-right fun to read memory I've ever seen. I don't think it will be beaten anytime soon either. I put in in this section to recognize it, and also to keep it from general consumption. Due to adult content, the rest of this memory should not be viewed by anyone under 18. OK? There, now you can't sue me. Here it is, in it's entirety: --Kyle Orland
Whenever I think of the game Super Mario Brothers, I think about sex, I think about the night I lost my virginity, and I think about margaritas.
It was a monday night in early 1994. Yes, I remember it was a Monday night. I cannot remember the exact date. Just a 'margarita Monday' in the winter of 1994. I was 21. I was 21 when I lost my virginity. That's sorta old by american standards. I was going to wait until I was in love, until I found THE ONE. But I changed my mind that night.
So yeah, it was Monday and there were margaritas to drink. After the margaritas, there was a paper to write. I remember sitting in the newspaper office writing the paper and thinking, "damn I'm good." as the paper was printing out, one of my very best friends called. Graham begged me to come down to Clancy's, our local bar. I told him I couldn't come down, I had a paper to hand in the next day and I had already had more margaritas than one girl needs on a Monday night. Of course he conned me into coming down for one beer. Just one, I could be home by 11 p.m.
One beer turned into one pitcher turned into closing the bar at 2 a.m. I stumbled home drunkenly. Calculating how much sleep I could get before class. If I skipped my 8 o'clock class I could get a solid 7 hours of sleep. Wahoo!
I crept quietly into the house. I didn't want to wake my sister and her boyfriend. I knew she had to work in the morning. I stumbled into the living room and was greeted with the remnants of the party I had thrown on Saturday. But I was also greeted by a reddish, purpley-haired cute, cute, cute skatepunk sitting on my couch drinking rootbeer schnapps...
...and playing Super Mario Brothers.
I flopped onto the other end of the couch and started some small talk. I had known Mike for a few years prior to this run in. We chatted and talked about school. I told him about my paper and Margarita Monday. He kept playing Super Mario Brothers. This part gets a bit fuzzy, but I remember a challenge was issued forth. I am not sure what started it, but a bet was made. The wager: If Mike wins I have to give him a blow job. If I win, he has to get up early and turn my paper in.
The match began. Luigi and I fought valiantly with our spitballs of fire. But I lost.
I lost the bet.
I lost my virginity.
I lost one letter grade on the paper that was turned in a day late.